One of the things life has taught me lately is the fact that regardless of how strong you are, there'll be times when anxiety will just creep in and do everything it can to take charge. Presently, some of the major things that are seriously giving me anxiety are regarding uncertainty about the future, unending financial demands, health challenges, and marital life expectations. It's quite painful to come to realize that regardless of how much you work or effort you put in, life will just still find ways of throwing unexpected hurdles your way, which can go on to feel unbearable.
The major source of anxiety I'm facing presently is regarding my health. I remember my response to the prompt that asked us to evaluate the first quarter of the year in our lives and how I went on to rant about how things have been a rollercoaster, and most of the down relates to my health issues that prompted me to spend almost two million naira in reinstating myself back to a perfect state of health, despite it currently stabilizing. I can't forget how it's been giving me sleepless nights from fear of what the future holds. While this reality has helped me understand how fragile life can be, it has also given me anxiety, because we all know without good health, every other plan is definitely uncertain.
Financial challenges can as well be closely knitted with the health anxiety, since the health challenge is what crippled the savings I had and even prompted me to delve into loans to sail through. It's quite disheartening, and the fear of how I'll manage to sponsor it next needs is constantly giving me anxiety, because while I deal with paying back loans I took, I still have to find ways to foot my daily financial needs.
On the other hand, I know this aspect will prompt people like Nkem and co. to have a few talking points, but then it's fine. This aspect is marital aspects, and as we all know, marriage is a beautiful thing, not to talk about the beautiful result it yields. There are days I feel lonely, especially during moments when I get tangled in between multiple tasks that need to be accomplished. I can't help but reflect on how doing such with a partner would have eased things for me, but then on the other hand, if I want to delve into that phrase, I get anxiety from thinking about if I've healed from previous hurt, if I'm ready in every aspect, or how much more I can carry on with this lifestyle before breaking down. All of these questions and several others usually mess with my mental peace in a way I can't explain.
And that's not even forgetting the master of it all, which is the fear of the unknown, or should I say anxiety about the future, which often revolves around different aspects of my life, from career growth to finance, personal goals, my dreams and aspirations, and many others. All of these thoughts usually make it seem like I'm standing at a crossroads with fog covering what's ahead of both paths, which ends up making me curious about what the future has in store for me, because obviously one wrong move could go on to cost me everything I've worked so hard to gather through the years.
Talking about how I plan on tackling all of these things that seem to be tampering with my mental peace, by relying on my maker to take the wheel of my life, because I know he knows the future, and putting my life in his hands means he'll guide me on the right path. Also, I sometimes talk with trusted friends to share my burden to relieve myself of the worries and as well hopefully get helpful tips and advice that'll help me dial through, and other times I just decide to rest or take a break from everything so I can come back refreshed.
I know it's not going to be a day thing to sail away from mental, emotional, or physical anxiety, but it's a journey that I'm going to take one step at a time and live with the hope and belief that better days are ahead. I won't settle for less because I won't let anxiety define me, so I'm willing to fight for my mental peace by taking those proactive steps.
All photos are mine.
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